Treeballs, Tinsel, and Trying to Find Joy

Holy fuckballs and applesauce, it is almost Christmas! I guess I should say holy treeballs and tinsel instead. If you are new here, Hi!! I am Melissa, your Cussing Coach… the unfiltered voice that brings you Perspectives, Possibilities, and Profanity. In this space, there are very few subjects off the table and we explore them with minimal judgement (I am side eyeing you Croc wearers). I would like to say that these blogs are well planned but that would be a fucking lie. Often, they reflect my inner musings, personal ish, and observations. Hell, half the time I don’t know what I am going to say until I have finished writing. However, a valuable lesson that I learned from my grandmother is that it is better to be surprised by what comes out of your mouth versus what goes in it.

Beyond this being unfiltered and judgement free exploration, it is raw and real. We look at topics like trauma, personal experiences, patterning, wounding, growth, mindfulness, and sometimes it is just me on a soapbox rant because I am twisted in my axel sideways but I know there is a knowledge nugget in there somewhere.

Back to it almost being Christmas…

The holidays are beautiful, magical, and for many of us, hard as fuck.

And not the fun kind of hard we enjoy.

I am not going to blow platitudes of warm fuzzies, cookies, and shinies up your ass.

There are many, like myself, where the holidays are bittersweet. On one hand we love them, they hold incredible memories. On the other hand, though, they remind us of loss. Of being alone. Of what is missing. We want to celebrate but we also just want to hide. We long for something but also feel a painful, gaping wound in our chest.

Some would tell you to focus on the good.

I am not that person.

I will tell you to remember the good. Embrace the good.

I am also going to tell you to feel your fucking feels.

Just don’t get lost in them.

Many of you have heard that from me before, but it is an important reminder.

During the holidays, seeing everyone’s happiness can be overwhelming. Maybe you push yourself to engage in the spirit, or maybe you accept that this is just where you are. All I ask is that you don’t force yourself to feel something inauthentic and inadvertently feel worse.

I am also going to tell you to integrate a Joy practice.

Well Melissa, what in the fuck is that?!?

I am glad you asked. A joy practice is very similar to a gratitude practice, but this is to help you reconnect you to things that light you up.

Joy Scan

Get comfortable, close your eyes, take a slow, grounding breath. Ask yourself:

“What moment brought me joy today?”

It doesn’t have be anything big, meaningful, or profound. It can be a micro-joy like your coffee being hot, a string of lights, the holiday smell, an animal that made you laugh. Don’t overthink it. Just pick one.

Joy Amplification

Now take that moment and let’s enhance it.

Where did you feel it in your body? Could you put a sensation, color, or temperature to it? What would happen if you did? What if you let it expand just a little?

This shifts joy from a thought to a feeling….this is where healing and rewiring happens.

Joy Anchoring

Come up with an affirmation, mantra, or statement.

“I welcome moments of joy into my life.”

“I am allowed to feel joy even in the smallest of ways.”

You choose. What feels good?

Cue Up Your Joy

Pick one holiday specific cue that will remind you to return to joy. It can be hearing a specific song, lights, smells, candles, wrapping… the list goes one. Identify that cue and when that cue happens, planned or unplanned, pause for a few seconds. During that pause, take a deep breath in and ask yourself “Where is there a spark of joy available to me right now?”

Create a Joy Jar or List

If you feel called, create a Joy Journal/Jar instead of a gratitude journal. Write down various micro-joys every day. Could be one thing, could be 10 things. It doesn’t matter what these things are. Remember, we aren’t judging here.

The sky was pink

Coffee tasted amazing

Fur baby cuddles

A stranger said hi and wished you a good day

If there is a day that is feeling heavy, read your joy journal, remind yourself that joy doesn’t disappear. Sometimes it just needs an invitation.

Joy practices are powerful because they retrain your nervous system to recognize safety, pleasure, and presence in real time…especially during a season that can feel overwhelming, pressured, or emotionally loaded. When you intentionally notice small moments of joy, you shift your brain out of survival mode and into connection mode. You’re no longer scanning for threat; you’re scanning for warmth, comfort, and possibility. Micro-joys are accessible, honest, and grounding, which makes them especially meaningful for trauma survivors or anyone navigating holiday stress. Over time, this practice expands your emotional capacity, increases resilience, and reminds you that joy isn’t something you have to earn…..it’s something you can touch briefly and often, even on the hard days.

Did this resonate? Try the Joy Practice for the next seven days and notice what shifts….in your mood, your body, your energy, or your sense of presence. And if you want more tools like this for nervous system regulation, trauma recovery, or mindset repatterning, make sure you're subscribed to the blog so you never miss the good shit.

You matter, and your joy matters too.